Everyone wants to be successful, but too often we forget to think about what that actually means. So we turn to money as the definition of success, but what happens after you achieve financial success? These nine millionaires tell us what success means to them.

1. Uniting people to achieve a vision

“I feel successful when I have passionate people around me coming together to achieve a common goal. So the definition of success to me is having the opportunity to work every day with people who see the vision of what we’re creating and can get behind it.” — Brian Scudamore, 1-800-GOT-JUNK?

2. Helping others succeed

“Early on, I realized my success would be defined by my role in helping others succeed. When Jay Van Andel and I started Amway more than 50 years ago, we had already tried several businesses together. The difference with Amway is that we wanted to give others the opportunity to be in business for themselves, too. Jay and I realized that our success would depend on how effectively we encouraged others to grow their own Amway businesses.” — Richard M. DeVos, Co-Founder of Amway and Senior Chairman of the Orlando Magic

3. Giving of yourself

Lisa Haisha, founder of Soul Blazing, says that success comes down to happiness, which she believes is determined by how much you give of yourself.

Of the financially poorest people she’s met, she says, “Unburdened by goals to acquire material items and status, they focus their attention toward those they love — their family and friends. What do they have to give? Themselves. And the community of happiness that results, is the finest indication of a successful life I can imagine and hope to achieve. “

4. Family

Jeff Motske, founder of Trilogy Financial Services, believes that family is of the utmost importance. He deliberately schedules family time and does not take business calls during that time and insists his employees do the same.

5. Overcoming fear

“Success can rarely be measured by someone’s money or wealth. While money does matter and hold a lot of weight on our ability to be defined as successful by the society we live in, the real measure of success for me is nothing more than our ability to overcome our fears and live our lives in a proactive state, rather than a reactive one.” — Pejman Ghadimi, Secret Entourage

6. Working hard

“Achieving success is about having the determination and perseverance to face adversity and continue to work harder than others are willing to, in order to reap rewards that others never will.” — Chad MacDonald, Connected Services, LLC

7. Changing Lives

“Business success is changing lives through your products or opportunity.” — Mark B. Pentecost, It Works!

8. Freedom

“Success is freedom. Freedom to make choices, decisions, where you will live, who you will surround yourself with, time with family, exciting business deals, learning constantly, pushing yourself to reach your fullest potential and then looking for other ways to repeat this.” — Grant Cardone, Self-Made Multimillionaire

9. Doing something you love

“True success and happiness to me is the intersection of doing something you love (passion), what you’re good at (skill) and what the world needs (purpose). Many people focus on the first, but forget the second and most importantly, the last. ” — Sonita Lontoh, Silicon Valley Executive and Entrepreneur

Photo by Khamkhor on Unsplash

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If any change is to come from the death of Michael Brown, we, the people, have to change. We can look to politicians or the judicial system for change, but in a representative democracy, the government doesn’t change until the people it represents change. Here are eight things we can learn from the current situation in Ferguson, Missouri and the surrounding region.

1. Listening is hard.
Listening is more than just hearing words. Listening is when you integrate other people’s viewpoints and perspectives into your own view of the world. In fact, real listening means changing your perspective and your view of the world. If listening isn’t really hard, you’re not really listening and you’re certainly not changing.

2. Being on “a side” is being part of the problem.
If you are on one side or the other, you’re part of the problem. Being on a “side” means having a pre-conceived notion of how things are or should be and unwilling to consider other viewpoints. Before you post your opinion to social media, ask yourself what will actually be accomplished by yet another person saying the same thing that half the people are saying.

3. We need real leaders.
Our leaders have failed to bring forward a vision and truly lead the region and the country toward a vision of the future, like the greatest leader of all time, Martin Luther King, Jr. did. We need a vision of what this world can be like when it’s right, not a vision of what’s wrong with it — for that we have CNN.

4. We have to have a deeper conversation.
Simply stating what side you are on and then listing off a string of reasons why you are on that side is not enough. If it were, we could solve this and every other problem in the world on Twitter in about eight seconds. The conversation has to go deeper. And by deeper, I really just mean listening again.

5. We have to quit talking about talking and start talking.
Just saying “we have to have a conversation” is not enough. Elected officials, church leaders and the Ferguson Commission can facilitate some conversations, but real change won’t happen until the people who matter (everyone) starts talking. And I mean deep conversations that foster understanding, not just using different words and antidotes to restate which side you are on.

6. We have to start listening.
As I stated in number one, it’s hard. But when some of the people do the talking, some of the people need to do the listening. Listening doesn’t just mean hearing the words and then restating which side you are on in response. It means hearing and understanding the words and changing the filter through which you view the world. If it’s not really f*cking hard, you’re not doing it right.

7. Living in the middle of social unrest sucks.
I know from personal experience that living in the middle of civil unrest, violence and vandalism is not pleasant. But it happens a lot all over the world. This is an opportunity to better understand the serious issues that exist in countries all over the world. It’s an opportunity to learn from them and — if we don’t screw it up, maybe even teach them something.

8. Conversation is useless if nobody is changing.
Everyone has some changing to do. Changing means getting off your “side.” You might, in some small way (or a big way) be wrong. And there’s nothing wrong with being wrong. Being wrong might just be what helps Ferguson, St. Louis, the United States, the world to finally be right.

Have the courage to be wrong.

Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona on Unsplash

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Originally published on the Huffington Post at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/five-lessons-from-five-convicted-felons_b_5819554

Over the past year, I met and became friends with five convicted felons. It’s easy to write someone off because of their past. It’s not as easy to listen, understand and learn. It’s not easy to let down your guard, put aside your ego and be open to the possibility that you might be wrong. But you can learn a lot.

These five convicted felons served their time and are not now out of prison. After being released, they ended up in very different life situations, ranging from very bright to very bleak.

Regardless of your situation, these five lessons can make the difference between a very promising or a very bleak future.

1. Your situation doesn’t dictate the future
Even with a criminal record, probation or whatever your background might be, your future depends on the actions you take today, not the actions you took yesterday. Whether you are broke, stuck, trapped or no matter how bas your situation seems, what matters is what you do today. What you do right now will either move you forward or keep you where you are.

2. Responsibility matters — a lot
The difference between success and mediocrity is your ability to take 100 percent responsibility for getting the results you want. You have to be completely devoted to making it happen. When the normal way isn’t working, or when there are obstacles on the obvious path, you have to find another way.

3. Blame is poison
If you want guarantees in life, here’s one: you’re going to get screwed. If you let what other people do to you affect your ability to succeed, you are done. Accept that other people are going to do things to you that are mean, bad, or unfair. Then move on. Figure out how you are going to succeed in spite of those people.

4. You can do way more than you think
You can do so much more than you ever thought possible. When you refuse to believe the limitations of what’s on the surface, entire new possibilities emerge. When you realize that you are able to take responsibility for your future, regardless of how badly you have been screwed, you are unstoppable.

5. Be creative
When you think you can’t do something because of some limitation of the past, it might simply mean you can’t do it the obvious way. Decide what you really want and forget about the normal way of accomplishing that thing. Find new, interesting and innovative means to that same end.

It doesn’t matter if you have a criminal record or not, your future is in your hands. Instead of dwelling on the past, spend that time making the future what you want it to be.

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Originally published on the Huffington Post at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/9-things-youve-done-that-_b_5698637

Entrepreneurship is a natural human function. It’s just an exchange of value between two people and human beings have been doing that as long as we’ve existed. As the world has become more complex, the logistics of exchanging value have become more complicated. Many say it’s too hard.

But ordinary people do things every day that are way harder. If you’ve made it through any of these things, you’ve got what it takes to start a business.

1. Stayed married
The complexities and challenges of maintaining a sustained, intimate relationship between two people are endless. Negotiating those complexities takes a tremendous amount of time, patience and understanding.

If you have the commitment, patience and understanding to stay married, you should have no problem committing to the work and being patient enough to start a business.

2. Raised kids
I’m not even talking about raising good kids. Just keeping them fed, clothed and out of serious trouble is a long, hard 18+ year task and a commitment you take seriously.

If you have the patience, focus and commitment required to do the hard work of raising kids for 18+ years, you can use that same patience, focus and commitment to successfully start a business.

3. Gotten a divorce
Divorce is a very stressful time. It requires coping with loss, disappointment, hurt, pain and uncertainty about the future. This happens to a large number of people and we always make it through.

If you’ve been through a divorce, you can probably handle the rejection, disappointment, loss and uncertainty that inevitably accompanies a startup.

4. Lost a loved one
One of the hardest things we have to deal with is when someone we love dies. It’s a terrible feeling and when it happens, we wonder if we will be able to carry on. But we do. Every single day, people die and their loved ones move past the grief and get on with their lives.

If you’ve experienced the pain of losing a loved one, you’ll view the frustrations and disappointments of starting a business as minor, because you know where they really belong on your priority list.

5. Moved to another city
Your life is completely uprooted. You have a new job, a new home, new friends, a new church and more. Everything that was familiar has changed and you have to rebuild your support network.

If you’ve moved to another city, you’ve proven that you’re capable of dealing with the massive amount of fast-paced change that comes with starting a business.

6. Quit Smoking
Discipline and commitment are the keys to kicking this gross and cancer-causing habit. It’s easy to give in to the temptation, but you must stay committed and have the discipline to resist the temptation.

If you’ve broken this dangerous habit, you have the discipline and commitment required to start a business.

7. Had a major illness
Major illness, particularly when life-threatening, is an event that will shake you to the core. It will make you question everything you believed and deeply understand what’s important and what’s not.

If you’ve dealt with a life-threatening illness, you understand what’s important in life and what’s not, which is critical for starting a business.

8. Experienced an empty nest
After spending 18+ years raising kids, focusing every second of your life on them and putting their needs ahead of yours, suddenly having an empty house is a major shock. Everything about your life is completely different.

If you’ve had your kids move out, you’ve experienced the type of huge lifestyle change that you’ll experience when you start a business.

9. Had a baby
I’m a 39-year-old man. I know nothing about pregnancy, but the simplest logic tells you it’s really hard and painful.

Starting a business doesn’t hurt that much and it only makes you sick in the morning if you drank too much the night before, which is typically done either in celebration of something good or drowning the sorrows of something bad.

Starting a business is not easy, but if you’re wondering if you can do it, refer back to any of these things you’ve experienced and know that you’ve done something harder. People quit their jobs and start a business every single day. It’s your turn.

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Originally published on the Huffington Post at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/life-lessons-_b_5588193

We tend to seek happiness in the wrong place.

“As soon as I get that promotion, everything will be great.”
“When I find a husband I’ll finally be happy.”
“My worries will be over when this business starts making money.”

We’re seeking happiness in achievement, which never works.

Detach Happiness From Achievement
Achievement is important to humans, but it’s a result of happiness; not a cause of it. We expect that when our business reaches a certain revenue level, we will be happy. We expect that when we accomplish certain goals or our personal situation is in a certain state, we will be happy. This doesn’t work.

Get comfortable with the idea that you could (if necessary) be very happy if only your basic needs (food, water, shelter, clothing) were met. Think of the power that would give you. You no longer have to worry about money because you don’t depend on it for happiness. Here’s the really cool thing. Since you detached your happiness from that single outcome, now it’s much more likely to become true.

When you no longer look to achievement for happiness, these five surprising things happen.

1. You lose your ego.
Most negative feelings, like sadness, anger and fear come from ego. When someone challenges what you say, and you get that uneasy feeling, that’s ego. Your ego is threatened. Ego is how we define ourselves. Any time that definition of who we are is threatened, our ego is threatened and that makes us uneasy. Sometimes that means anger, hurt feelings, or distain for the person who threatened our ego. None of that makes us happy. Having absolutely no ego means having no resistance to external circumstances.

2. You become fearless.
When you’re completely relaxed and not hanging your happiness on any certain outcome, everything changes. Your happiness no longer depends on things like money, relationships or business goals. That doesn’t mean you don’t have goals and you don’t work hard to achieve them. It does mean you’re not dependent on any specific outcome of those goals for happiness. The dependency on a specific outcome to be happy creates unhealthy obsessions and prevents you from enjoying life. Since you have decided that happiness does not come from achievement, you no longer rely on it to be happy. Now fear takes on a whole new face. Fear of being broke? Not really a problem. Fear of not becoming a millionaire? Fear of not meeting business goals? Not a problem either. Fear goes away.

3. You don’t regret anything.
Never regard anything as a mistake. There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons. Regard everything that happens as a step on your journey. Remember, you are not attached to any certain outcome, so it’s just another step. Whether you decide to call it good or call it bad, either way it is a step on your journey, taking you to the next place in your life. The outcome teaches you a lesson, alters your approach, or helps you redefine your destination. When you no longer have fear and no longer regard anything as a mistake, you have no regrets.

4. You are honest.
When your ego is gone, you have no reason to lie, manipulate or even bend the truth. You’re free to relax and tell it just like it is. You have nothing to hide! Generally when we are not being honest it’s because we are avoiding something that we’re afraid of. Maybe that’s something we are ashamed of, some inadequacy we perceive in ourselves or some outcome we are really dreading. All of those basically go back to fear and ego. If you have no fear and you have lost your ego, what is there to lie or mislead about?

5. You be yourself.
People really are spectacular. People are interesting, dynamic, intelligent beings with great ideas. When we aren’t being ourselves, we hide all that spectacularness. Were guarded in what we say and do because we are afraid other people won’t like us. Even if it’s subtle, people see through it and don’t like it as much as they would like the real, interesting, dynamic, intelligent person who is behind that false persona. Relax and be yourself. You have nothing to lose except your ego — which is a good thing to lose.

Here’s the best part: When you detach happiness from achievement, these five things that happen are the key ingredients to success. Disconnecting happiness from achievement is the best way to achieve anything.

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